Home

I'm currently homeless.  No, I am not sleeping rough.  I have a nice room with dear friends who I know care about my welfare.  Why else would they let me stay for four weeks.  Despite this, my homelessness creates anxiety.  Am I over-staying my welcome? Am I too lazy? Should I do more to help? Am I in the way? I know these questions are somewhat superficial.  They're surface issues when the real anxiety is around having a place where I can anchor, surrounded by the remnants of my life.

Photos of my children and grandchildren. Photos of the places I have been and the friends who have brightened my journey.

Pieces of art, original and collected.  Trinkets like the beautiful red crystal champagne goblets and gold espresso cups that came my way. And the  pewter decorated red wine glass my eldest son gave to me.

Books and tools of my trade.

I have never been particularly materialistic, having surrendered the bulk of my possessions a number of times so I know this yearning is not about materialism. Home is a place for the soul.

Without HOME, I am anxious, a little depressed and finding it hard to stay motivated to the do the things I would enjoy doing and which would enrich my life.

Metaphors are floating through my mind,  nautical ones such as without anchor, rudderless (yes I do feel I have no clear direction), all at sea
and then an image of a tree blowing in the wind, I too feel I am being tossed by the wind but I have no roots, I am ungrounded.

Fortunately I do have good friends who care and I have creative outlets to help me ride through the anxiety so I can rollerskate in a buffalo herd (Thanks Roger Miller) however I still yearn for my own HOME.

Here is one of the poems I wrote:

Writing on Black

I'm writing on black

black is the hole I am falling into, overwhelmed by feelings of astronomical proportions

black is the dog barking at my heels

black is my dreaming; strange shapes emerge to cower me

black is the colour of my maw as it opens to devour. . . . you? . . . me?

If all is black, why can I still see me?