Living Your Dream?

Do you live your dream?
Or do you hanker for it?
Do you own what you manifest in your life?  Both the brilliant and the dross?
How do you know when its time for change in your life?

I've been working in government for eight months.  I've worked in government before and I promised myself . . . NEVER AGAIN!
I came to that conclusion because I found government stifling.  I was not supposed to speak out about the things I disagreed with or the things I saw.  I was not allowed to protest.  Taking away the right to fully express ones-self could be seen as a form of bullying.

I wrestle then with arguments about whether I am part of the problem? or a part of the solution?  Can I not use who I am and what I know to bring about change?  And if I want change, what is the change I want to see. If I maintain my behaviour, will others follow? Its rather thin ice I am treading on when I venture into this terrain because I do see my own bitterness and ugliness and I end up really despising my inability to remain with my heart and soul and integrity.  I  adopt the culture of the organisation I am working in, quite rapidly. It happened again in this job and being older and less intolerant I found it harder than ever to remain strong and be positive.

And then I think about my goal before getting the job.  I wanted a good paying job that would  provide the resources for me to get me  of debt.  And this job has done that.  And now it is time for me to go back to my dream.

The dream is to buy a camper van, one big enough to live in while being small enough to get into interesting places in the Australian landscape. I want to sing and dance in this wide brown land of ours.  I want to dance in red dust in Central Australia.  I want to see the Islands and get to know the people who live in the path of cyclones and show such resilience. I want to celebrate this incredible land and the amazing people who populate it.  And do this through the sharing of stories.

I want to do this because I know in my soul it is what I am meant to be doing.


And while I am doing it I will also collect lullabies from other cultures.
And other music.  Music is the heart of a place.

So my wild and wise friends, I have decided to get enough of my super released to buy a decent and reliable camper van and travel and do exactly what I believe I am meant to be doing.  Thanks Department of Housing, you've helped me attain a goal and given me the impetus to go and live my dream.

There's a crack in everything, its how the light gets through  (Leonard Cohen)

WHY I CHOSE THE WORD LOVE

At a Department of Housing stakeholder forum in November 2014 I was a part of an exercise in which we had to design a model of service provision.  We were asked to include principles and values that underpin provision of support services.

I’m someone with many years experience in the human services industry (I've been here since 1988) and even more years as an activist for social justice. I asked that we place a heart in the middle of our diagram and in my reporting back of our service design, I used the word love.  Some people found this reference to love appalling.  Someone ventured the opinion it is what has held the non-profit sector back. 

I disagree.  In my opinion, part of what has held the non-profit sector back is the domination of charity and church- based organisations filling their coffers with management fees and administration fees and the ridiculous imitation of corporate structures that indulge in endless negotiations to get more money to keep their structure propped up, while innovation and artists  are starved for funds.

If they think they can get more money through a creativity based program they will take it on and all the while, their coffers fill with tax-payers money.  

I know some of the individuals who work in these organisations, as well as individuals who work within government structures truly believe they are there to work for the people.  I am currently one of those people. 

Deep breath . . . . .

I do digress, so please, allow me return to a space of love and share 10 reasons why I choose to use the word love:

I chose and continue to choose love  because:

1.       Love gives me ears and eyes that hear and see truth more easily.
2.       When I listen with my heart low down on the ground, I know that love has the power to heal the past.
3.       When I am feeling love, I believe in the good in everyone and I can get them to see their own good;
4.       When I am working from a place of love I am working with respect, with trust, with integrity, with openness.
5.       Love respects.
6.       Love opens my intuition.
7.       Love is the power that leads to transformation.
8.       Love is kind.
9.       Love is honest.
10.          Love is a door. 

I won’t apologise for using the word love when I talk about a value for working with people, and especially vulnerable people. 

I am passionate about the right of people to be nurtured, to be shown positive human regard, to be valued, to be vulnerable, to be included and to be heard. 

When do you use the word love?  and why? 

WOMEN"S WISDOM for 2015


Time flies and my commitment to maintaining this Blog is definitely questionable.

For the past 5 months I have been working.  Once again I am confronted by the reality that when I compromise what I truly want to do as my work, my life becomes unhealthier.

So what is it I want to do?  I want to continue to be a social justice advocate and activist.  I want to facilitate arts for health programs and I want to coach others who are working at a soul level to develop their practices and keep doing the work.  The need for our work is paramount.

In terms of my own arts for health work for International Women's Day a group of women came together to co-create a performance about the lives of older women and the issues that are important to us.  The performance was really well received and feedback was that it was moving, thought-provoking, entertaining and marketable.  The performance was called Women's Wisdom.   The Wild Wise self certainly featured in my performance on the night, and in the intention I held for the performance.

https://soundcloud.com/shelalagh/women-of-darwinmp3  Here's a link to the song we co-wrote for the opening.  Special thanks to Mitch, Batt, Mary, Brenda, Gwen, Thevi, Tina, and Liz.  It was wonderful to experience the respect and belief that these women offered me and each other. In our rehearsals I decided to focus on claiming our magnificence and  we truly were magnificent. The women offered their authentic selves and the audience loved it.

2015 feels like a year of change for me, a year of creating the capacity for me to be living my dream.  I hope you will continue to travel with me on my journey to my authentic business.

Could it be . . .a year has gone

And in that time.
we have lost reason, we have lost rhyme,
people everywhere, not knowing what to do
to stop war
and right the wrongs here on our own shore

I wrote that in 2003 and yet here it is, still pertinent 11 years later

Here in Darwin still, after 12 months, I am having an absolute ball
I am playing lots of music,
reading poetry
drawing pictures
coming up with creative projects and putting feelers out through various networks
I'm stressed to the max about money and worrying myself unnecessarily about where I should be,
and know, in my core, I am all right and I'm here, in Darwin.


I am being seen
I am being myself
so there are times when I sing songs of domestic violence
child abuse, mental illness, homelessness, war
there are times when I sing about love and relationships
and beginnings and endings.

One aspect of my wildness
I have been containing is my sexuality.
I get sensual expression through music and drawing
while my sexuality loiters on the floor with my fear
they do more than loiter, they wrestle in their bindings,
one seeking supremacy
the outcome is denial of sexual expression.
I realise that I never listened to my 40 year old self saying "as long as it is respectful sex, indulge".


Back to my audiences:
 there are places I go just to have fun
and there I sing my "wilder" songs
and there, sometimes I see, I'm not that wild.
I hesitate in allowing my songs to become realities.

Beyond the doubts there is fun.
And dancing to a good band is a need I have been ignoring as well.
Saturday night I rectified that.

Its neither wise or wild to neglect my body
momentarily I feel a fraud
It passes and I reconnect to the self that knows
I am on the road to discovery.

Shel, living without her demons and embracing abundance and magnificence.

Journeying with Fear

Its now July and quite a while since I commented on my journey.

My road from Melbourne took me via Koondrook and two of my sisters, Marie and Patricia and then back to my home village of Murrami where I caught up with my youngest sister Irene.  The time was short as I was on my way to a festival, and music is a large part of what my journey is about.  I had a great time at the festival and then went on to Canberra, the home of my eldest son and his wife and daughters.  Grandma time is always a blessing and this time was no different.  I thoroughly enjoyed playing at my oldest grand daughters school and my youngest's day care centre, not once but twice.
The shine in little eyes when they see and hear an instrument they are unfamiliar with is so rewarding. My banjo has a ring that draws attention :)

A flash visit to my youngest son in Newcastle for his birthday and on the road again to Brisbane.  And that is where I still am.  I have a workshop planned for July 20 at New Farm Neighbourhood Centre.  I have contacted services and one has responded about my offer of facilitating an "Interventions from the Heart".  At this point they have agreed to take the idea to the team and let me know.  Last Sunday I got a paid gig singing and while the amount wasn't huge, the confidence boost was much needed. And this weekend I might journey back to the Sunshine Coast to busk at Eumundi Markets.

You can check out the workshop details at the link below:
https://www.facebook.com/events/551587594904125

The one thing that has stood out for me is even though I know the dream I hold, the fear of not bringing it to reality is sometimes crippling.  While I refuse to let the fear stop me completely, it does slow me down.  I feel my mind drowns in endless questions that circle around and around.  Years ago I read "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers and the wise self remembers wisdom in her words.  So, I am planning to leave for Alice Springs or Darwin on the 22nd July.  May the journey continue!

Yours in Wild Wisdom
Shel