We could live in happier times?

 In recent conversations with my sisters and friends I have been struck by how

many of us are living in a constant state of questioning. Constant questioning

could also be labelled anxiety. 

 

And what are we anxious about? 

 

Our mothering: 

we learned from our own childhoods that we wanted to be better parents to our

children. We were going to be more loving, kinder, more supportive and

encouraging, realistic without being cruel. 

 

We were going to play with our kids, attend their school functions, be creative with them, do fun things like camping

and fishing and finding new places to explore. 

 

Our intentions were good yet our knowledge of how to enact our intentions was light on. 

So we made half-arsed decisions that we regretted almost immediately. 

We were too scared, meek, docile, uncertain to ask for a renegotiation, make a new plan, to disagree, to become the "good" parent we wanted to be. 

 

Ourselves:

 

 the questions were constant

·      am I good enough 

·      am I lazy 

·      am I pretty 

·      am I intelligent enough 

·      am I too bossy 

·      am I too fat 

·      am I enough????? 

 

The list could be endless as each of us have different aspects of ourselves we are anxious about.

 

All of this reflection on and questioning of ourselves in our role as mothers led me to ask could we live in happier times?  

 

I think we could because I see, hear and feel the fear in the world. 

 

§  Endless, senseless warring over territory, religion, ownership has left it's  imprint on the psyche of the world. 

§  We Are Right cry the combatants, yet we can see by the tactics used who is most intent on being dominant. 

§  In the current battles it is clear that the rights of women and children are ignored in both physical and ideological battles.  

 

In war, women and children are unsafe as men get swept up in the brutality, the all-encompassing group fervour to destroy. 

 

There is war in the domestic sphere, where men try to maintain the beliefs of their fore-bears which are:

·      women and children are property 

·      women need to be controlled

·      women should be grateful 

·      women and children should be obedient

 

The prevailing ideological battle is that of gender identity ideology.  

The proponents of this ideology minimise and/or deny how intrinsic women's biology is to their lived experiences.  

The violence aimed at those who do understand and unwaveringly stand for this truth, makes this a warzone. 

 

With the current level of warring across the world there is little wonder so many women are living in a constant state of questioning, a constant state of anxiety and reflection. 

 

Reflecting on my life, I know I have lived in happier times.  I have lived in a time when the very essence of womanhood was not being questioned.  I have lived in a time when children were encouraged to explore and love who they are and it was recognised we humans grow into acceptance of ourselves, it's part of the maturation process. 

I have lived in a time when we believed peace was possible and war was a futile waste of human life. 

I lived through a time when we worked for inclusion that was fair & just.

 

We could live in happier times.  Yes?  No? 

The Woman Within - Out and Angry

She’s there within, the woman. The woman with the watchful eyes, the shy smile. The woman so scared. She has truths burning deep within but she is hesitant to share them for fear she will be mocked, laughed at and her beliefs belittled. It is because of this fear the child is in control.

 The child is capable of a devil may care attitude. The child will laugh things off, will play the games demanded of her. 

 The woman wants only truths. The woman, never really believing herself to be this deep, fears she will drown in the truths she wants to share and the questions yet to be asked. 

 28/12/92 

 While this was written in 1992 I feel like I am in a similar place today in 2022.  I am seeing how frightening it is for myself and for many women to speak out about our concerns because  we are being mocked, laughed at and belittled. 

Women are not just being discounted, they are being threatened and harassed purely because they refuse to let their sex based rights be rescinded.  They are being threatened and harassed because they don't believe children should be set on the path of lifelong medicalisation to uphold a (mis)perception of "being born in the wrong body".  They are being threatened and harassed, including  in some areas by legislative measures, for saying biology is a reality!

I have been told by many that I have an excellent "bullshit detector".  Currently my detector is spasming with the daily recognition of the disrespect shown to women such as 

Forgetting so easily the fight of our fore-mothers.  Do you think because you have the vote you have it all?  I have to ask that because so many women seem to think it's okay to give away what was fought for.  The shelters, the safe spaces like health centres, the designated positions  came about because the women we were working with told us that is what made them feel safe.   Are women even being consulted about the erosion of their rights?  

Failing to protect our children.  Who gave permission for the curriculum to be changed?  Surely

 a decision like that should have had input from every parent/ guardian and the final content be approved by them.   Show me a link to the research that shows me 65% of ALL parents gave informed consent about these changes?  

Making the Women's Roll of Honour inclusive.  How does that recognise that women had to fight extra hard to break through structural and societal barriers to achieve what they did and do? 

Not seeing that women are being controlled.  When you tell me you don't believe this conversation about the erasure of women and their rights should even be happening you tell me clearly you have no intention of listening to any of my concerns.  I want to ask you whether you might be being controlled?

What does it cost you to listen to concerns of women voters?  Are you meant to be representing everybody?   STOP being controlled and listen.  

I see solutions too.  Today, right here, I need to be the truth telling Blade who has had enough of being the receptive Chalice.  (Thanks to Raine Eisler)

Dancing through 2022

 

Dancing Crone

 

To say I have dragged myself through the past couple of years is something of any understatement.  Like many others I have been blue.   

First there was surgery on my face to remove a Lentigo Maligna melanoma.  I got caught in fear and didn't do sufficient research to oppose the course of action the oncologist and plastic surgeon determined for me. I deeply resent not being given all the information that would have allowed me to see I had more than one other choice,  one of which  I would have made, and especially given that option was their "go to" when the surgery did not remove all the Lentigo Maligna cells and I was still refusing radiation.   A choice that appears to have worked.  

So many people tell me I should be grateful, so many people tell me the surgeon did a good job and so few of those people know the pain I live in daily since that possibly unnecessary surgery.  

The pain is not just physical.  There is guilt for failing to look after myself.   There is sadness because I feel I no longer feel or look the same. There is self-doubt.  There is the belief that I will never find a lover/partner because I am scarred.  There is shame because I have put on weight. 

Health is holistic isn't it?   Everything is inter-related.   Fear has been a controlling and limiting force in my life since January 2020.   I kept telling myself Covid wasn't impacting me.  I shed those goggles and saw clearly how depressed I have been.  

 I want to dance through 2022, I want to put on music and dance as I paint or draw.  I want to dance in the pool, in the park, during the day and after dark.  I want to start spending time with others again.  I want to facilitate more conversations and workshops with women.  I want to take back control of the narrative of my life.  Yes, I want to dance in my magnificence, every flawed and beautiful aspect of it.  

In the eye of the storm I am magnificent

Tumbling into a technological black hole

 Technology is meant to make life easier right?  Well, why then is everything more difficult?  This morning I tried to share a new Facebook page I created yet when I looked on my home page, there is no evidence it has been shared.  

Then I came here to get a hyperlink to my blog.  Seriously I can't work out how to do it.  

I sometimes wonder why developers feel the need to keep changing everything.  Whatever happened to "if it's not broken don't fix it".  Its frustrating when I've worked out how to do something and then I have to try and work out how to do it all over again.

And now, rather than being excited about creative pursuits and the collaborative work I am doing with Jen Barrkhman I feel as though I'm falling into a dark hole where technology has me captive.  

Moving Fearlessly Chat 9: Your Wild Wise Self with Shel O’Toole