KNOWING GRACE:
I found a song on my Zoom recorder today while listening to the songs I created while my son David was here.  It was a song about grace.  It came to me just after my last post, Are you proud to be Australian?  The horror of Don Dale rattled me. I thought of my own sons and how they were in their youth and I saw how easily it could have been them behind bars. Johnny Farnham sang "we're all someone's daughters, we're all someone's sons".  That is truth and  I as parent and grandparent and a citizen of this country, never want to see young people being treated in that way again.

I met with some friends down in the Botanic Gardens to create a song that would express how we felt and drive action for change.  Ally Mills and Ian and Katy, her children were there and 2 of her grandchildren.  Margie Egan brought her drum, and Kevin McArthy came with his guitar, though I can't remember if he got out his guitar.  We mucked around a bit with a song.  Is there still action around Don Dale I wonder?

The song has been removed from Soundcloud so I can't share it with you. Instead I will question what you perceive, experience, believe is Grace.


Practice seeing wisdom, truth and grace in the faces around you.

 What is grace to me? 

The ability to show love and compassion despite own suffering. The power to re-frame, transmute and transform suffering. To be who you are. 

Are you proud to be Australian?

Are you proud to be Australian?  

This question was posed by Larrakia woman Allyson Mills at the Rally for Justice for inmates of Darwin's Don Dale juvenile detention centre.  My immediate reaction was NO.  Since the rally I have been thinking about this question and seeing that yes and no are both very black and white answers and there are shades of grey when it comes to pride about being Australian.

I don't feel proud of the ongoing abuse of human rights that is happening here in Australia.  We saw it on Four Corners last Monday and we have been seeing it for a number of years with the treatment of asylum seekers.  Clear breaches of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and a response from government that either denies or ignores these breaches or attempts to cover them up.

 I do feel proud of the number and diversity of voices raised in protest against the injustices that are occurring.

I do not feel proud of the racism that is still apparent in Australia.  Despite education, despite the adoption of policies and legislation that aim to prevent discrimination, racism is alive and thriving. Yes, people are ill-informed and I think many choose to remain so.  I do not understand why they choose to remain ignorant and it saddens me that someone like Pauline Hanson can be elected to the Australian senate.  This highlights the polarised views that still exist in the community and the growth of the politics of hatred which has regained ground in Australia since 1996.


Considering the Australia of my childhood, I do feel something, maybe pride? maybe a sense of "rightness,"  when I see Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians standing together sharing their grief and outrage of the abuse of young people in care.  I have this same feeling when I see a proud First Nations person share their personal achievements.  I have it when I see young people respond to the fear-mongering and hate creating with reason and compassion.  I have it when telling other people about the work of  organisations and groups like ,Together for Humanity  Reconciliation Australia  National Congress of Australia's First Peoples

Maybe what I feel for Australia, rather than pride, is gratitude and hope.  I'm grateful for the positive changes to our political and social landscapes over the past few decades and hopeful that the day will come when there is truly an egalitarian and compassionate society that is inclusive and just.

Aunty Kathy Mills at Darwin's rally for justice

FESTIVAL FEVER

Queen's birthday weekend saw the Top Half Folk Festival and I was performing in my own right on the main stage.  A 25 minute bracket.  It took awhile to choose the songs.  I had Fritz Risler lined up to play fiddle on 3 songs and Ka Brown was doing vocal back-up on the Crocodile Song. Then I had a jam session around the campfire on Friday night with Jen, Nadja and Freya from South of the Berrimah Line.  Jen is an intuitive bodhran player and her addition to The River was Flowing along with Fritz's violin made the song even more powerful. It was a privilege to play with them both. I've got into the habit of honouring the ancestors of the land I'm performing on and my own cultural ancestors so I am still singing "Do you love an Apple" which I learned at the Irish World Music summer school in 1998.  Mary Gauthier's Mercy Now, once again accompanied by Fritz, saw me break through my nerves about singing that song in a performance.  Its usually a library, Nightcliff and campfire song.  I finished with the Murrumbidgee Maid which got its usual laughs. I keep promising myself I won't sing it for 6 months however other women love it and tell me its empowering.   One day I will upload a decent version to Youtube. 

So now its on to preparations for the Fringe Festival and I'm appearing in two shows, Revealing Women and Dirty Old Fokkers with Kevin McArthy.

 

In Revealing Women I bring to the stage Clare Bizley, VJDebs, Gwen Leggett, Kerry Battersby (Batt),  Marlene Murphy (Mitch) and Robyn Wells,   women exploring themes that link to relationships and sexuality. 

Have you ever wondered what makes women vulnerable, how they feel about being naked, what they consider as forbidden and how they are when they feel strong?

This fearless, poignant and honest performance will be Revealing Women.

Our show is on Thursday 21 and Friday 22 July at 8.00pm at Brown's Mart Theatre.  Cost is $15 and $10 concession.

 

Dirty Old Fokkers are Kevin McArthy and yours truly.  We are Darwin-based singer / songwriters who are involved in the local music scene. We'll be entertaining you with bawdy ballads and reflections about love, lust and misadventure.

Kevin celebrates his Irish heritage and his sense of place here in Darwin through his music which has a particular focus on songs from Australia’s north. He runs the monthly Sunset Music Sessions at Nightcliff Foreshore, produced The Turbulent Years – commemorating the effect of Cyclone Tracy on Darwin’s Lifestyle, and is co-producing Bringing Them Home – a musical celebration of the Irish in Australia.

I'm from Wiradjuri country in NSW, the daughter of Paddy O’Toole, a bush musician and Sheila, a red headed Smith. I'm a singer/songwriter, poet and storyteller. I directed Women’s Wisdom, stories of women over 50, in 2015 which gave me the impetus to create Revealing Women for this year's Fringe.

 If you live here or you're planning a trip to Darwin, come for the Fringe Festival.  There is so much happening you can't possibly get bored.

Anyway, back to work for me.  

Sliant`e

Home

I'm currently homeless.  No, I am not sleeping rough.  I have a nice room with dear friends who I know care about my welfare.  Why else would they let me stay for four weeks.  Despite this, my homelessness creates anxiety.  Am I over-staying my welcome? Am I too lazy? Should I do more to help? Am I in the way? I know these questions are somewhat superficial.  They're surface issues when the real anxiety is around having a place where I can anchor, surrounded by the remnants of my life.

Photos of my children and grandchildren. Photos of the places I have been and the friends who have brightened my journey.

Pieces of art, original and collected.  Trinkets like the beautiful red crystal champagne goblets and gold espresso cups that came my way. And the  pewter decorated red wine glass my eldest son gave to me.

Books and tools of my trade.

I have never been particularly materialistic, having surrendered the bulk of my possessions a number of times so I know this yearning is not about materialism. Home is a place for the soul.

Without HOME, I am anxious, a little depressed and finding it hard to stay motivated to the do the things I would enjoy doing and which would enrich my life.

Metaphors are floating through my mind,  nautical ones such as without anchor, rudderless (yes I do feel I have no clear direction), all at sea
and then an image of a tree blowing in the wind, I too feel I am being tossed by the wind but I have no roots, I am ungrounded.

Fortunately I do have good friends who care and I have creative outlets to help me ride through the anxiety so I can rollerskate in a buffalo herd (Thanks Roger Miller) however I still yearn for my own HOME.

Here is one of the poems I wrote:

Writing on Black

I'm writing on black

black is the hole I am falling into, overwhelmed by feelings of astronomical proportions

black is the dog barking at my heels

black is my dreaming; strange shapes emerge to cower me

black is the colour of my maw as it opens to devour. . . . you? . . . me?

If all is black, why can I still see me?

Developing creative practice

I have been attempting to develop my creative practice.  I figure the best way to develop it is by doing so when I moved to Coconut Grove to house-sit I endeavoured to write, or do something creative every day.   This went well for the first couple of weeks and then I got involved in other short-term projects, creative ones to be sure.  

One of these was participation in "The True Blue Straight and Narrow Normal People's Club".  It was great fun getting to know the other members of the cast.  There were moments that were challenging and which caused me to question what messages I am giving through my performances and what messages I want to give. In particular there is a scene where I bash the prime minister to death with my banjo.  Given my songs and poetry that oppose violence I had to sit with this and think it through.   I realised I was perhaps being a little 'precious' especially seeing the song I sang in the show was a parody of BDSM.  

I believe reflection is a valuable tool in developing any practice.  I consider myself an "arts for health" practitioner so reflection on the content, messages and ethics of my art is important.  I resolved my dilemma about being violent by separating myself from the role.  I had no dilemma about my song.  As a sex positive feminist I believe in freedom of sexual expression.  

To share some to my creative practice here are a couple of the poems I wrote while at Coconut Grove. 

ABBOT STEW

Abbott, rhymes with rabbit

And like that pestilent creature

He shows no regard for the damage caused to the environment

Or ecological balance

Abbott, rhymes with rabbit

In a frenzy breeding

Bigots and fear-mongers,

Racists and haters.

Abbott, rhymes with rabbit

And so too does he hide out in burrows

To avoid those who want rid of him.

Abbott, rhymes with rabbit

But I don’t think he’d taste good in any stew

Regardless of the amount of red wine added

Copyright Shirley (Shel) O’Toole 2015

SUFFER NOT THE LITTLE CHILDREN

Sometimes I shed tears for the children in detention centres

The children in refugee camps

The children whose lives have been torn apart by war

Suffer not the little children.

Why then a world plagued by war

Our children are worth so much more

Than the horror they live in everyday

which is constantly reinforcing to them

There is no other way

Violence normalised

populations desensitised

children traumatised

life on earth cannabalised

Copyright Shirley (Shel) O’Toole 2015