My Country's Shame

I was at a conference in July and a woman from New Zealand was running a session on letting go of Shame.  I carry so much shame and images immediately came to mind, yet I did not go to the session.  I was afraid of exposing the depth of my shame.

My shame that an Australian gunned down 50 people praying in Christchurch.  People who had been welcomed into New Zealand whereas Australia has turned its back on their ilk. It's not enough that people be punished for having to flee their homes, their families, their countries, someone from this country that is so lacking in compassion, goes to kill them.   I am deeply ashamed.

I am ashamed that an Australian broadcaster feels its his right to downgrade a leader from a neighbouring country because she's a woman.  I'm not surprised by his behaviour.  He did this to Julia Gillard, a Prime Minister who was considered a brilliant diplomat, an impressive leader and a positive example of the value of equality by leaders of other Commonwealth countries.  And this was told to me by a couple of CHOGM delegates from Mozambique who I was chatting with on a train in Perth.  They were very impressed by Julia yet in her own country the likes of Alan Jones and Tony Abbot were intent on building hatred towards her.  Now Alan Jones has turned his attention to another confident, dignified female prime minister.

I feel shamed by the level of misogyny that continually tries to downplay the effectiveness of women in public life and tries to usher us back into our role of mothering our children and husbands.

I am shamed by the treatment of asylum seekers by successive governments. As well as being ashamed, I am scared by the current leaders of the government who have allowed their personal hatred and racism to inform their behaviour which is embarrassing the Australian public.

Are are they happy to admit that Australian's are still just a bunch of racist rednecks who have learned nothing from our time on this planet?

Are you happy to allow them to portray that image of the Australian community? 

I'm not prepared to admit that we are all coal loving, profit seeking, kill anything that moves and even things that don't, difference hating hillbillies!

That is not the Australia I have been working towards since I was 15.

The Australia we are seeing is an Australia caught up in intolerance, greed, control and FEAR.

I have to ask WHAT IS THE THREAT?

Why do Scomo and Dutton fear Displaced People?

Why do they fear  First Nations people?

Do they actually see anyone outside of themselves?

Why can't they see that compassion is a respected virtue?

How can they not see their own hypocrisy?

How can they claim to represent Christians?

How can they think they are fit to govern?


I think they need some reflective practice training.

And some deep listening skills training.

And some mindful compassion training.

And some bible training.

Some Unconscious Bias training as well.

While the Australian government continues to operate without respect, I will feel the shame of my country.

I will also feel anger, the anger that fuels action and I will speak out and say this is NOT OKAY.

Dying from lack of creative expression - an exploration of depression

It's been a long time since I posted here.  Leaving Darwin has been harder than I thought.  I'm called to the people I left behind.

To Anne, who is a singer.  She suffered a stroke and for awhile couldn't sing.
I recognised her immediately through her listening.  We eventually sang together, old songs she'd sung on Elcho Island, her home.  She was my mother, my lullaby, the knee on which my head rested.  Anne came to me in visions when I felt my loneliest.

Ally, another 60 year old with a need to sing and express herself creatively and who, when she doesn't, like me is attacked by the Black Dog who lets us only see the vicious underbelly of the human species.  (Biting could be therapeutic?)

To Mitch and coffee dates and breathless outpourings of our hurts and frustrations, naughtiness and anticipations.  Words shared to calm the other and reinforce in ourselves we are strong women, leaders, elders in the making.

To Tania,  beautiful woman who showed me I am beautiful too.  How I long to wrap my song in your flute tunes and dance a dance so magical it will show me the way to home.

Paula, another passionate Aries,  living authentically. Your wisdom did not go unnoticed Paula.  I loved you're storytelling.  When you spoke of the communities you visited I felt like I walked with you on their land.  Those stories leave a longing to immerse myself in the very ground you traversed. To know the spirit of the people.  I feel Mother Earth rising up within, yes, yes, yes.

So many beautiful people who embraced me and made the Northern Territory a friendly place for me.

Here in Sydney I have been stifling my creative voice.  Yes I sing and I perform and do theatre yet I want more.  I want to be working with others, facilitating their release of their creative energy, sharing the learning and the knowledge that I carry.

Like the knowledge that its ok to be a snake and spit
There's power in howling like a banshee
The quiet cave within can be a resting zone
As fish swim so will we cry

And I want to be my authentic self, shining in my magnificence, refusing to accept that there can be barriers to the life I want for myself.  Excuses, a friend recently said to me.  Of course I huffed it off.  The arrogance of the young I was thinking.  I'm glad I got over that huffy bit and saw his wisdom.

The excuses and obstacles I've put in my own way have been weighing me down so once again I'm  calling on  snake energy to  slough off the old skin.

I slip from release into planning, and I see myself as a project that needs project management.
First step, a title, develop a timetable, small achievable goals are the key, don't leave the first milestone too far away, focus.

And in doing, I'm beyond the prison of depression.

Living in politically sensitive times

I was thinking about the song Mama won’t allow no banjo picking round here and I thought what about what papa won’t allow, thinking of papa trump, papa putin, papa turnbull and then I thought “actually I would prefer not to think about them and their androcratic behaviour.”

So I got to thinking of the song again and how I am a mama and I believe there are more important things not to allow. I encourage banjo and guitar picking.  Music is good for you

I decided to play the song and as I was singing this other song emerged, We won’t fade away, no we won't.   This song evolved out of remembering Pat Humphries’ Keep on walking Forward.  

After a couple of days playing with the songs, I found the final arrangement.

So here’s what this mama and feminist won’t allow.

Mama won’t allow no racism round here

Mama won’t allow no racism round here

Mama won’t allow no racism, get your head out of that schism

Mama won’t allow no racism round here

We won’t fade away no we won’t

We won’t fade away no we won’t

We won’t fade away, we’ve fought for our rights and we’ll have our say

We won’t fade away no we won’t

Mama won’t allow no misogyny round here

Mama won’t allow no misogyny round here

Mama won’t allow no misogyny, hating women seems strange to me

Mama won’t allow no misogyny round here

We won’t lose our voices no we won’t

We won’t lose our voices no we won’t

We won’t lose our voices about women’s right to make their own choices

We won’t lose our voices no we won’t

Mama won’t allow no domestic violence round here

Mama won’t allow no domestic violence round here

Mama won’t allow no domestic violence, and she encourages women to break their silence

Mama won’t allow no domestic violence round here

We won’t be silenced no we won’t

We won’t be silenced no we won’t

We won’t be silenced about wanting a world that’s free of violence

We won’t be silenced no we won’t.

Mama won’t allow no child abuse round here

Mama won’t allow no child abuse around here

Mama won’t allow no child abuse, we all know there is no excuse

Mama won’t allow no child abuse round here

We won’t fade away no we won’t

We won’t fade away no we won’t

We won’t fade away, we’ve been here from the start and we’re here to stay

We won’t fade away no we won’t

For those musicians among you, its in the key of G.  I'm hoping to make a recording to put on Soundcloud soon and it would be great if other feminist musicians would add their instruments and voices.  

KNOWING GRACE:
I found a song on my Zoom recorder today while listening to the songs I created while my son David was here.  It was a song about grace.  It came to me just after my last post, Are you proud to be Australian?  The horror of Don Dale rattled me. I thought of my own sons and how they were in their youth and I saw how easily it could have been them behind bars. Johnny Farnham sang "we're all someone's daughters, we're all someone's sons".  That is truth and  I as parent and grandparent and a citizen of this country, never want to see young people being treated in that way again.

I met with some friends down in the Botanic Gardens to create a song that would express how we felt and drive action for change.  Ally Mills and Ian and Katy, her children were there and 2 of her grandchildren.  Margie Egan brought her drum, and Kevin McArthy came with his guitar, though I can't remember if he got out his guitar.  We mucked around a bit with a song.  Is there still action around Don Dale I wonder?

The song has been removed from Soundcloud so I can't share it with you. Instead I will question what you perceive, experience, believe is Grace.


Practice seeing wisdom, truth and grace in the faces around you.

 What is grace to me? 

The ability to show love and compassion despite own suffering. The power to re-frame, transmute and transform suffering. To be who you are. 

Are you proud to be Australian?

Are you proud to be Australian?  

This question was posed by Larrakia woman Allyson Mills at the Rally for Justice for inmates of Darwin's Don Dale juvenile detention centre.  My immediate reaction was NO.  Since the rally I have been thinking about this question and seeing that yes and no are both very black and white answers and there are shades of grey when it comes to pride about being Australian.

I don't feel proud of the ongoing abuse of human rights that is happening here in Australia.  We saw it on Four Corners last Monday and we have been seeing it for a number of years with the treatment of asylum seekers.  Clear breaches of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and a response from government that either denies or ignores these breaches or attempts to cover them up.

 I do feel proud of the number and diversity of voices raised in protest against the injustices that are occurring.

I do not feel proud of the racism that is still apparent in Australia.  Despite education, despite the adoption of policies and legislation that aim to prevent discrimination, racism is alive and thriving. Yes, people are ill-informed and I think many choose to remain so.  I do not understand why they choose to remain ignorant and it saddens me that someone like Pauline Hanson can be elected to the Australian senate.  This highlights the polarised views that still exist in the community and the growth of the politics of hatred which has regained ground in Australia since 1996.


Considering the Australia of my childhood, I do feel something, maybe pride? maybe a sense of "rightness,"  when I see Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians standing together sharing their grief and outrage of the abuse of young people in care.  I have this same feeling when I see a proud First Nations person share their personal achievements.  I have it when I see young people respond to the fear-mongering and hate creating with reason and compassion.  I have it when telling other people about the work of  organisations and groups like ,Together for Humanity  Reconciliation Australia  National Congress of Australia's First Peoples

Maybe what I feel for Australia, rather than pride, is gratitude and hope.  I'm grateful for the positive changes to our political and social landscapes over the past few decades and hopeful that the day will come when there is truly an egalitarian and compassionate society that is inclusive and just.

Aunty Kathy Mills at Darwin's rally for justice