The Woman Within - Out and Angry

She’s there within, the woman. The woman with the watchful eyes, the shy smile. The woman so scared. She has truths burning deep within but she is hesitant to share them for fear she will be mocked, laughed at and her beliefs belittled. It is because of this fear the child is in control.

 The child is capable of a devil may care attitude. The child will laugh things off, will play the games demanded of her. 

 The woman wants only truths. The woman, never really believing herself to be this deep, fears she will drown in the truths she wants to share and the questions yet to be asked. 

 28/12/92 

 While this was written in 1992 I feel like I am in a similar place today in 2022.  I am seeing how frightening it is for myself and for many women to speak out about our concerns because  we are being mocked, laughed at and belittled. 

Women are not just being discounted, they are being threatened and harassed purely because they refuse to let their sex based rights be rescinded.  They are being threatened and harassed because they don't believe children should be set on the path of lifelong medicalisation to uphold a (mis)perception of "being born in the wrong body".  They are being threatened and harassed, including  in some areas by legislative measures, for saying biology is a reality!

I have been told by many that I have an excellent "bullshit detector".  Currently my detector is spasming with the daily recognition of the disrespect shown to women such as 

Forgetting so easily the fight of our fore-mothers.  Do you think because you have the vote you have it all?  I have to ask that because so many women seem to think it's okay to give away what was fought for.  The shelters, the safe spaces like health centres, the designated positions  came about because the women we were working with told us that is what made them feel safe.   Are women even being consulted about the erosion of their rights?  

Failing to protect our children.  Who gave permission for the curriculum to be changed?  Surely

 a decision like that should have had input from every parent/ guardian and the final content be approved by them.   Show me a link to the research that shows me 65% of ALL parents gave informed consent about these changes?  

Making the Women's Roll of Honour inclusive.  How does that recognise that women had to fight extra hard to break through structural and societal barriers to achieve what they did and do? 

Not seeing that women are being controlled.  When you tell me you don't believe this conversation about the erasure of women and their rights should even be happening you tell me clearly you have no intention of listening to any of my concerns.  I want to ask you whether you might be being controlled?

What does it cost you to listen to concerns of women voters?  Are you meant to be representing everybody?   STOP being controlled and listen.  

I see solutions too.  Today, right here, I need to be the truth telling Blade who has had enough of being the receptive Chalice.  (Thanks to Raine Eisler)

Dancing through 2022

 

Dancing Crone

 

To say I have dragged myself through the past couple of years is something of any understatement.  Like many others I have been blue.   

First there was surgery on my face to remove a Lentigo Maligna melanoma.  I got caught in fear and didn't do sufficient research to oppose the course of action the oncologist and plastic surgeon determined for me. I deeply resent not being given all the information that would have allowed me to see I had more than one other choice,  one of which  I would have made, and especially given that option was their "go to" when the surgery did not remove all the Lentigo Maligna cells and I was still refusing radiation.   A choice that appears to have worked.  

So many people tell me I should be grateful, so many people tell me the surgeon did a good job and so few of those people know the pain I live in daily since that possibly unnecessary surgery.  

The pain is not just physical.  There is guilt for failing to look after myself.   There is sadness because I feel I no longer feel or look the same. There is self-doubt.  There is the belief that I will never find a lover/partner because I am scarred.  There is shame because I have put on weight. 

Health is holistic isn't it?   Everything is inter-related.   Fear has been a controlling and limiting force in my life since January 2020.   I kept telling myself Covid wasn't impacting me.  I shed those goggles and saw clearly how depressed I have been.  

 I want to dance through 2022, I want to put on music and dance as I paint or draw.  I want to dance in the pool, in the park, during the day and after dark.  I want to start spending time with others again.  I want to facilitate more conversations and workshops with women.  I want to take back control of the narrative of my life.  Yes, I want to dance in my magnificence, every flawed and beautiful aspect of it.  

In the eye of the storm I am magnificent

Tumbling into a technological black hole

 Technology is meant to make life easier right?  Well, why then is everything more difficult?  This morning I tried to share a new Facebook page I created yet when I looked on my home page, there is no evidence it has been shared.  

Then I came here to get a hyperlink to my blog.  Seriously I can't work out how to do it.  

I sometimes wonder why developers feel the need to keep changing everything.  Whatever happened to "if it's not broken don't fix it".  Its frustrating when I've worked out how to do something and then I have to try and work out how to do it all over again.

And now, rather than being excited about creative pursuits and the collaborative work I am doing with Jen Barrkhman I feel as though I'm falling into a dark hole where technology has me captive.  

Moving Fearlessly Chat 9: Your Wild Wise Self with Shel O’Toole

My Country's Shame

I was at a conference in July and a woman from New Zealand was running a session on letting go of Shame.  I carry so much shame and images immediately came to mind, yet I did not go to the session.  I was afraid of exposing the depth of my shame.

My shame that an Australian gunned down 50 people praying in Christchurch.  People who had been welcomed into New Zealand whereas Australia has turned its back on their ilk. It's not enough that people be punished for having to flee their homes, their families, their countries, someone from this country that is so lacking in compassion, goes to kill them.   I am deeply ashamed.

I am ashamed that an Australian broadcaster feels its his right to downgrade a leader from a neighbouring country because she's a woman.  I'm not surprised by his behaviour.  He did this to Julia Gillard, a Prime Minister who was considered a brilliant diplomat, an impressive leader and a positive example of the value of equality by leaders of other Commonwealth countries.  And this was told to me by a couple of CHOGM delegates from Mozambique who I was chatting with on a train in Perth.  They were very impressed by Julia yet in her own country the likes of Alan Jones and Tony Abbot were intent on building hatred towards her.  Now Alan Jones has turned his attention to another confident, dignified female prime minister.

I feel shamed by the level of misogyny that continually tries to downplay the effectiveness of women in public life and tries to usher us back into our role of mothering our children and husbands.

I am shamed by the treatment of asylum seekers by successive governments. As well as being ashamed, I am scared by the current leaders of the government who have allowed their personal hatred and racism to inform their behaviour which is embarrassing the Australian public.

Are are they happy to admit that Australian's are still just a bunch of racist rednecks who have learned nothing from our time on this planet?

Are you happy to allow them to portray that image of the Australian community? 

I'm not prepared to admit that we are all coal loving, profit seeking, kill anything that moves and even things that don't, difference hating hillbillies!

That is not the Australia I have been working towards since I was 15.

The Australia we are seeing is an Australia caught up in intolerance, greed, control and FEAR.

I have to ask WHAT IS THE THREAT?

Why do Scomo and Dutton fear Displaced People?

Why do they fear  First Nations people?

Do they actually see anyone outside of themselves?

Why can't they see that compassion is a respected virtue?

How can they not see their own hypocrisy?

How can they claim to represent Christians?

How can they think they are fit to govern?


I think they need some reflective practice training.

And some deep listening skills training.

And some mindful compassion training.

And some bible training.

Some Unconscious Bias training as well.

While the Australian government continues to operate without respect, I will feel the shame of my country.

I will also feel anger, the anger that fuels action and I will speak out and say this is NOT OKAY.